Go in the direction you are going

Expectations.

We have them... with everything-- the Packer Game, vacation, people, job, relationships-- and for me, often leads to disappointment or let-downs.

Heartland Farm Silo, Kansas

Last week, I was on a retreat at the Dominican Sisters of Peace Motherhouse in Kansas with 17 other Dominican Volunteers. Way way way back in time, when I first found out about the mid-year retreat, I expected that by then I'd have my life planned out. Either a job would be creeping up or I'd be cheering on another year with DV. Well, in these last few weeks, I've been so far from that expectation and it's been a bit of a let-down. My mind and heart is being pulled in many different directions. What I really wanted from this retreat was some clarity (aka, I was going into it wanting someone to plan out the rest of my life).

Spoiler alert: I did not plan out the rest of my life. Nor did I solidify a path for next year.

The retreat began with our head honcho, Mike, saying that he wanted this retreat to include some intentionality. "Each of us is coming to this retreat with a focus on the next steps. What are my next steps? An intense focus on the future. However, God reveals himself [or herself] in the PRESENT. Take this retreat for you-- to hear God and the direction to which God is calling you." And, so... I tried to take that advice-- To let God work through me in the present... To not dwell on the fears and anxieties I have about the future... Just enjoy the company of 17 beautiful volunteers that have been going through some similar struggles.

The last morning of the retreat was spent with our prayer partners. Each DV had a partner-- one of the sisters at the Motherhouse-- that had been praying diligently for each of us. My partner, Sister Charlotte, and her friend, Sister Rene, sat with me for brunch. We began chatting about all the different things they have done as sisters, all the different jobs they've had. As always, I was surprised by the number of occupations these women have had. In response, Sister Charlotte just said that each thing she did prepared her for the next thing-- God works that way, urging us to just go in the direction we are going.

Despite all these expectations I place on my life that sometimes lead to disappointment or let-downs, Sister Charlotte makes a good point. Everything I do prepares me for the next step... even if it's not something I anticipate to happen.

I wish I could have left the retreat with my life planned out, knowing 100% what I'm going to do next. But, there I go with the expectations. I did leave the retreat, however, with a little speck of clarity and some good, peaceful ideas. You know what? I'll take it!